||I was with my sons father for a total of 5 years. I met him in the music industry, he appeared to be a nice warm hearted man. I fell in love with him very quickly. He treated me like a princess, wined and dined me, financially secured my current situation, was a very talented man, Until I got pregnant with our son. He began to be more controlling, hated me to hang out with my family. He began to be very jealous of me and my mothers close relationship. He started trying to make us fight and turn us against eachother.
The first incident (before I was pregnant) was when I walked in my kitchen in the morning in my robe, not knowing him and his friend were in my living room. He told me to get in the room and hit me three times closed fist in the head. He pulled a gun out of my closet where he hid them and told me if I tell anyone, there will be serious consequences. I feared for my life. After that, he didn't leave the house for 4 days to make sure I wouldn't leave or tell anyone. He would try to make things better during this time, bath me, take me to fancy dinners, give me money to go shopping, use his past childhood hardships to manipulate me in forgiving him. He always admitted he had a problem and pleaded for my forgiveness. He often would say he would kill him self if I left him.
This went on for a year. Then I became pregnant with our son. The abuse got worse. I became dependent on him 100%. He was aroused by the fact that I asked him for permission to do every little thing. From what I should make for dinner, to how much money my checks were so he could take every little dime I owned. I couldn't keep my ID, money, or anything that could identify me. He beat me about 12 times during my whole pregnancy and would monitor me like a hawk. Mentally I was already useless. I couldn't think for myself, didn't think I could be by myself and had plenty chances to break free, but I refused.
One particular time the baby and I left to a friends house because he hit me. He found out where I was at because all I had was the women in his family to help me. All my family gave up on me because they didn't fully understand what a victim truly goes through. He found me and called the cops. I had two traffic tickets and there was a warrant out for my arrest. They took me to jail, I served 6 days. During my incarceration, he served a restraining order against me for him and our son, Made up a bunch of hideous lies about me being abusive to him and our baby. He used the court system as another form of abuse against me. I was separated from my baby for 16 terrifying days and was reunited with him at our restraining order hearing after pumping my breast milk so my son could continue to feed. I entered into a dv shelter and they helped me contact prosecutors for a previous abusive incident that was never completed.. they gave me the baby back at the restraining order hearing and took him into jail. I forgave him again.
After this, he wanted to move out of state where I had no family. He said he had better job opportunities. It lasted two months. One night we went out to a club and a guy tried to talk to me as he was coming out of the restroom. He immediately said, "Lets Go". On the way home, I was crying because I knew he was really upset. I knew I was "In trouble." I kept on asking him are you mad at me? Crying pleading for him not to hurt me. He said he wasn't mad. SO I stopped crying, thanking him. He pulls in the driveway of our house and says get down, open the door and open the garage. I do as he says. He pulls in, gets out and starts closing all the windows and blinds, locking all the doors. He runs towards me and starts hitting me with a closed fist and kicking me all over my body. Over and over and over. I'm trying to block myself with my forearms. He then drags me by my hair leaving a bald spot about 6 inches in diameter. He takes off his belt and starts whooping me with the buckle part. then he grabs a DVD player and starts hitting me over the head with hit. Then he gets on top of me and starts to choke me. I start to see flashing white lights. My vision was slowly fading away. I was not fighting back because I didn't want to waist any energy trying to breath. All I can think about is my kids. In my mind I'm praying that God forgives me for not loving myself enough to leave. Then he lets go and unbuckles his pants. He pulled out his thing and began to urinate on me. He said B**** you like that? And he made me say I liked it. Then he laughed at me and told me to take my ass to the bedroom. I couldn't move so he dragged me again by my hair and picked me up and threw me on the bed. he began to have sex with me. I didn't dare say I didn't want to because I was scared he would beat me again.
After, we both fell asleep. I couldn't even keep my self away I was so week. Then I woke up 2 hours later because my son was still at the sitters. He made me go with him, made me sit in the back seat, while he got down to get the baby. We drove home and I was praying that God would save us.
It was Easter Sunday. We lived behind a church and the choir was singing right out side my house. He started screaming at them telling them They're a bunch of dumb Christians. Then he has me sit on the couch while he makes fun of the way I look, while he where's the shirt with my blood on it as a trophy. He has 2 40 ounce beers in the refrigerator and begins to drink. As the alcohol kicks in he starts threatening his own life with a gun loaded in hand. Then he points at me and my son and it goes back and forth. He finally gets so drunk he lays down and falls asleep. I then ran to the church with the voice of angels. Just my son and I and the clothes on our back. The deacons run to my assistance and police arrest him face down in our bed. He left over 70 bruises on my body including vaginal and rectal bruising.
I never had to go to trial, he took the plea bargain. Got 10 1/2 years, life time probation. Convicted of Aggravated assault, domestic violence, kidnapping and sexual assault.
I made it out and I thank God every day for Life. I struggle with accepting the fact that I hurt my family and friends and put them through so much worries. My mother even had a stress related stroke at 45. I just wish my family would understand what a victim really goes through. I also struggle with what I've put my kids through, what they have been exposed to. I feel like a bad mother and I'm scared they will turn to a man similar to him. We all are seeking help and they know it is wrong. But inside I also set an example to them in knowing that Mommy did get out of it and Mommy is a strong person now.
I've survived over 100 beatings from this man and this was the final closure to domestic violence being a part of my life.