I am only 15... I grew up in such a small area I thought things like this never happened in my area. Rape would never happened to me.

Unfortunetly I was wrong.

I just turned 15 and a good friend of mine introduced me to his 18 year old friend, Travis. Now being that I'm like every other young teenage girl in the world I was excited to know that an older guy was noticing me... not in the sexual way though, you know the real relation ship kind of way.

"I'll never hurt you." He told me... because so much stuff has happened to me previously with family I didn't know if I was ready to start having a serious relationship... but before I knew it he was around every day. I fell in love I suppose.

At first he was the sweetest guy I ever met in my life. He called me to say goodnight, on  breaks at work, take me out to dinner and a movie... that kind of thing. I thought he was perfect and so did everyone around me.

Once he turned 19 though things changed a lot. He started focusing more on sex and I told him I wasn't ready. I didn't want to have sex with him. I thought he was just going to be the "Typical" guy and push it on me because his hormones were in a screaming rage, but it wasn't like that at all. Pretty soon he would start putting his hands down my pants and what not. I mean at first I was just uneasy about it... I thought it was no big deal because your first time with someone is always nerveracking I suppose...

After a while of the regular old fondling and what not I just got sick of it... I remember telling him to just leave me alone. I wasn't into it and I didn't want to but he was so stuck on telling me that if I did it before that there shouldn't be a problem this time. That's when he told me to give him oral sex. I was shocked but he said I shouldn't have a problem with it... we fought and fought and it ended up with me giving in because I didn't want him to hurt me.

He did that so many times I lost count. He would touch me first even though I didn't want to... I felt so sick because in my mind I didn't want him to touch me but my body seemed to like it. I don't know how to describe it. But afterwards it was always ending with a fight, threatening and me giving him oral sex.

This went on for a few months until he got sick of me denying him all the time. I didn't call it rape until I described it to my friend, who was raped by her stepfather as a girl... she told me it was and that I should press charges.

I guess in the back of my mind I always knew it was. I can't go near my new boyfriend without freaking out sometimes... especially when it comes to sex.

I haven't pressed charges or anything to date.