Aohrodite Wounded - Support for Women sexually assaulted by male partners and educational resources for professionals
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"My body's not a foottball for you
My womb is not a football for you
~ Sinead O'Connor ~
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Survivor's Story: I was 19 when I met him. I ran out of money for college and had to drop out. He swept me off my feet, promised big things. We agreed to sex the first time. But he poked holes in the condom (I found out years later) and I wound up pregnant with my daughter. Everything was fine until I moved in with him. He was thoughtful, kind, charming. A gentleman.

Two months after I moved in (he convinced me that it was best) he started hitting me. I found out he was on probation for money laundering and transporting u.s. currency. He never hit me where anyone could see the marks.

He started sexually abusing me after my daughter was born. He demanded my full attention, and even got jealous of the baby. I'd be falling down exhausted at the end of the day, the baby had colic and he was no help. He would wait until I was finally sleeping and then he would start touching me to wake me up. I hated him for it. But if I didn't do it he would look for some reason to beat on me.

The years came and went with more of the same. Until his status as a legal immigrant was renewed. He became more bold in his abuse. In public, away from home where nobody knew us. Several black eyes, burns, beatings with flashlights. He would make me choose my punishment: anal sex or a beating. "how painful can it be? women have all those holes for a reason" he'd tell me.

Later he'd force oral sex. He'd stick it all the way down my throat. If I was choking it excited him more. My pain was more exciting to him. Frequently sex abuse would follow a beating.

I finally called the cops on him in February and went to a domestic abuse shelter with my kids (we had 2) I got an injunction for 4 years and once I have a conviction I can start proceedings to petetion for his removal from the country.

I feel lost and broken. I wonder where the girl who had such hope for the future and faith in herself is. I want to be who I was before I met him. I'm tired from trying to make the kids life a happy one, but I'm surviving and waiting for the nightmares and flashbacks to end. I can't be around dark haired men, Spanish spoken near me sends me into a panic attack. I can't stand the smell of dial soap.

I know they say time heals all wounds, but it can't happen soon enough.
Submitted November 21 , 2010 3 : 35 am

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