I married the first man with whom I had ever been serious. I wasn't a virgin, but I was somewhat inexperienced.
We were in love, he was older, and I figured if he wanted to marry me, he must have known we were right for each other. It felt right to me, too.

We moved across the country for his job only 6 weeks after we were married. I was glad to make a new start and leave the city where I had grown up. Within the first year of our marriage, he had shown that I could irritate him easily. I didn't like his temper, but he was never violent. One morning, when I was pregnant with our first child, he got really angry at breakfast. He shoved me out of the way, threw his full plate into the sink and drove away for a couple of hours. Later, he apologized. Over the next few years, I learned how to avoid making him angry. It usually worked. But he still seemed to have little respect for what I liked or needed. It always seemed to be about him. In bed, when I tried to show him that I liked things a little differently, he complained that I didn't like the way he touched me.
About 3 years ago, he started pushing for anal sex. First, just asking. I was scared of the pain, so I always said no. One night, he begged me to try it and I agreed. But said that if I didn't like it, I would never try it again.

We did it and I HATED it. It hurt and I told him that. The next night, he wanted to have sex again, and I agreed. This time, he tried to penetrate me anally and I told him no. Repeatedly. he ignored me, telling me that "it couldn't have hurt as much as I said." Plus, he told me that he liked it. Then, he forced himself into me.

I felt so violated. Not to mention the fact that I didn't feel I could ever trust him again. Since then, I have talked to him about what happened, but never using the word "rape".

He won't acknowledge that it was wrong, or that it hurt me.

We've had sex since, but not often. I won't look at him during, and he still tries the "back door" as if I can't tell what he's doing.
He thinks I'm having an affair because I cringe  whenever he touches me. I can't help it.

What really hurts is that he doesn't seem to see that I'm not enjoying sex anymore. How can he enjoy it when I'm clearly not?
I called a couples counselor today.

I hope we can be helped.