Aohrodite Wounded - Support for Women sexually assaulted by male partners and educational resources for professionals
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"A marriage license should not be viewed as a license for a husband to forcibly rape his wife with impunity."
~ Sol Wachtler~
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Survivor's Story: First how I found this site, I googled "is it rape if consent is given out of extreme pressure and badgering?" and this site came up. I've been dealing with this for years, I'm 45 and married 15 years. Sex was never an issue for me until I kind of lost a some interest in it. Then the constant badgering and pressure started. Constant sexual comments and grabbing me on and off during the day aggressively. Sticking his hands down my pants etc. It's constant and makes me a bit crazy with no where to go. At night he wakes me up with his hand down my shorts and putting his finger inside me while I'm asleep. Of course I wake up and move away but it happens so often that I don't get to sleep through the night. I sometimes crave to be able to wake on my own without him bothering me. The worst is anal sex. I hate it, it hurts, he's not gentle and makes me bleed for days. I've told him over and over I hate it and how it hurts me. He is obsessed that he has to do it to make him feel like a man. I know it's a freak control and sexual addiction issue. But with the constant badgering and pressure, I give in if he promises to leave me alone. He promises to treat me better if I give in and promises to be in a better mood (he's very abrasive with me especially in front of other people, very humiliating). It's just a sick cycle of torture. If I know he's going to force his way in I take pills and drink alcohol to numb myself. I block it out and then go on with my business the next day. I feel like since I give in the to pressure it's my fault. I was relieved to read on this site that it is considered rape. I have felt that it was to me but not to anyone else in this world. Tonight the pressure is back on and I've already started taking my anti anxiety pills washed down with a gin martini. What a horrible way to live I know but it's the only way I know to get through it. I'm already cringing at the pain I know I will feel tomorrow morning. I would never wish this on any woman. I just have to keep praying that I will find the strength to change this situation. Until then I'll stay numb.
Submitted May 12 , 2014 8 : 30 pm

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