||I have been married for five years - four and one half have been abusive. I am married to a well off man with a very well repected job and is well liked in our community. I am his dutiful wife. I do not work but am active in many cummunity orgainizations. ( I am expected to)
I have no children (not by my choice) I have had four (forced / coerced) abortions, three were chemically induced and one my husband arranged to have in our home (to save ME the embarassment). I never breathed a word of any of them to anyone.
From the outside I know others think our lives our perfact but I live in hell. I do not have any control over my appearence or body.
My cloths are purchased for me, my hair is the way he wants it and he forces me to keep thin with enamas and other laxatives. My body is open to him anytime pleases.
The first time he really forced me I was scared(he likes to make you hurt) but I thought well we are married, this is how happens sometimes - just be "good" and he'll be done soon. In years since it has only gotten worse.
He has violated me in ways I could have never though of before. He has made movies and taken lots of photos. I fear that he is putting them on the internet.
I always thought I would never stay with someone who abused me - but here I am and can't seem to get out.
I told a my doctor (a friend of the family) and even showed him some injuries on my body. He said he would help and contact someone to get me out.
Later that week my husband brought me home a rx of valium and said he would be happy to take me to a therapist to work out these abuse issues from MY CHILDHOOD???? and that if I had issues with self injury I may have to stay awhile in a treatment center ( I should have gone - but going to a place like that sounds so scary and humiliating - he probly knew I wouldn't anyway). In addtion, that it was not appropriate to be discussing these issues to our friends, it is a private matter and to air my dirty little secrets made me look like a whore.
He (my husband) is too well respected to have a wife who grew up as a common slut.
He watches me take my valium everyday (even though I don't need or want it. The rape has became less frequent but just as violant. Those days I can hardly even sit down.
I'm sure he is having an affair - maybe even sees prositutes - I hope he tires of me and we get a divorce. I have been putting money away but he watches it closly - I want help -real help and someone just to belive me.
I'm tired and I know when I run he'll come looking - I hope I have the strenth to run faster