Aohrodite Wounded - Support for Women sexually assaulted by male partners and educational resources for professionals
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"A marriage license should not be viewed as a license for a husband to forcibly rape his wife with impunity."
~ Sol Wachtler~
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Survivor's Story: When i met him after a nasty divorce i thought i had met my soul mate, my best friend. He was so kind and caring. The changes came on so slowly that i didn't realize them happening. Looking back i see so many Red Flags that i dismissed.By then we were married and living in a home isolated in the woods with a 45 minute drive to work for me each day. (when he would let me go). He was so very good at being an abuser. I fell hook line and sinker. I thought the frequent, rough and tumble kind of sex interesting after 20 years of marriage at first. Then when i said no the first time, the gloves came off. I was told i was his, his wife, his woman, and if he wanted me I couldn't say no. At times he would pout and not speak to me until i let him invade my body. That is what it became, an unwanted invasion.

He began to drink about this time. Not just a few or a couple nights a week. He would consume bottles of whiskey almost nightly to the point of blacking out. (or did he use that for an excuse for what he did to me the night before?) He was bored and unemployed. (his excuse) I have been raped by my husband. The one i swore to love and respect has treated me like a piece of garbage to be thrown away until he wanted to play his sick games again. He made comments like, the porn chicks do it!!!! This was when i would not agree to things that were painful or degrading. I said no one night lately, the next thing i knew he had his hand around my throat, the other yanking me to the floor by my hair, off came my panties. The harder i fought the more the sick bastard enjoyed it!!! I was raped of many things throughout this relationship.

My body's freedom, my mind, my spiritual health, my family and friends. the physical pain and recovery from each attack took longer as the abuse escalated. I had to have medications prescribed by a doctor to heal damage done by him to my most private parts. Oh how i hate him for this. I don't understand how i kept thinking for 2 years that i could fix this problem, that it wasn't so bad, other women had it much worse. Maybe i really was a bitch, whore, crazy, drama queen and pussy. I was going crazy. The scariest part of this whole thing is that i know i put myself in this position and i should have known better.

Believe it or not i am a Domestic Violence housing advisor. I was ashamed, scared, i swept my own dirty secrets under the rug and worked like crazy to assist victims to escape, and stay strong. i painted a picture at work of a knight in shining armor and a castle. I was living in a prison. I finally found the strength to talk to a very good friend, my boss. I am now free and independent. Determined NO man will EVER own my body and soul again............I am not a victim, I am a survivor. He is the loser, not me....
Submitted November 20 , 2010 8 : 06 am

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