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Don’t let your secrets hurt you
Don’t let them make you fall
Don’t let them take a hold of you
Don’t let them build a wall
Because secrets have a funny way
Of controlling your life
They make you cry and die inside
They make you resort to using a knife
Please believe me,
I really know this is true
I just want to say
Don’t let it happen to you
Tell people how you are feeling
And write down all your pain
Don’t lock your problems inside
Because that’s how they start to reign
Do not ignore them
Or try to hide them away
Because then they will rip you apart
They will squash you like clay
Instead try to use them
To help others like you
Let the secrets make you strong
And help yourself get through
I WENT TO A GROUP TODAY
I went to a group today
To learn about myself
To deal with all those things
I had put up on the shelf
I went to a group today
Full of all us victims
Different situations
All the same symptoms
I went to a group today
To make me feel better
But I felt from bad to worse
With each sentence, word and letter
Thinking about what he did to me
All the things I’m forgetting
It trying to escape from me
In what they call ‘a safe setting’
They say it’s ok to talk
And really good to cry
But what about if you do that
And it makes you want to die
I was getting on just fine
In that ignorance called bliss
When along comes the worksheet
And I fall into the abyss
The place that says he did it
The place where the hurt is real
Somewhere I can’t pretend
Somewhere I have to feel
So I turn the worksheet over
It didn’t happen to me
It’s normal to be like that
That’s the way that love should be
Though breathing’s getting harder
And the pretence wearing thin
I get to the end of the group
And I’m still intact within
They ask me how I felt today
Nothing, cuz it’s not real
So the question passes me by
And it’s a relief not to feel
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Why is the question
That always comes to mind
The problem for me,
The answer, I can’t find
I want to understand you
To know you’re not just bad
The belief that you’re kind of good
Was all I ever had
I thought you were damaged
And that was the reason why
But I was damaged too
And I didn’t make you cry
Maybe it was your bad upbringing
That made you hurt me so
But others have it just as bad
And they’ve never stooped so low
I thought it could’ve been
Because you didn’t know God
You did, but chose the devil
And the evil that he had
I have realized now
There’s no answer to the why
No big because
Nothing to justify
I FALL OBEDIENT
Nothing is real
I cannot feel
How do I be
If I cant see?
Emptiness consuming
Reality not resuming
I tried my best
But lost the rest
Always caring
You unsharing
Sacrifice salvation
Soul cremation
Unrealistic word
My need absurd
Only self hating
Hurt creating
At you’re bidding
I fall obedient
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IT HIT ME TODAY
It hit me today
How much you had done
I’d forgotten all about
You’re literal pain in the bum
You’d say please
I’d give in
Then cry in pain
As you had your fun
When the mood took
I was just a hole or three
Somewhere to get your fill
And then to get you empty
Why could you do that
Rip me in two
Degrade me so totally
Just cause you wanted to?
PRETENCE
Wonderful man
Change in his heart
No badness left
Only love to impart
A pretence it is
I know so well
But captured by him
I'm under his spell
Selfishness reigns
Under a guise of love
Just like the pigeon
Disguised as a dove
Unable to try
Yet claims to care
Others shocked
That he would dare
I want to believe it
Put in the effort
One day it may be real
That is my comfort
YOU WON'T LET ME
You won’t let me cut myself
In a way that is real
But you’ll cut my life in a million pieces
In a way I can only feel
You don’t let me cut the pain out
Of the things that you have done
But you cut my heart out piece by piece
Because the reality of it you can shun
Seeing scars on my body
Makes you feel ill
But the scars you can’t see
Seems to make you feel nil
All I want is to feel
To know I’m really here
But to disappear inside myself
Is what I really fear |
