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Real Rape Real Pain: Help for Women Sexually Assaulted by Male Partners
By Patricia Easteal and Louise McOrmond-Pummer.
Click the jacket for more info.
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Surviving the Legal System: a Handbook for Adult & Child Sexual Assault Survivors & Their Supporters - Dr. S. Caroline Taylor
(Added Jan 2010) |
| I have just spent the day reading this excellent book; it is an absolute must for survivors and their supporters going through the legal system. Divided into three parts and eminently accessible to all, the book covers essential information such as disclosing, reporting, preparing for trial, responding to defence tactics, excercises for nurturing your truth and much much more. |
BOOKS ABOUT INTIMATE PARTNER SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE
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Real Rape Real Pain: Help for Women Sexually Assaulted by Male Partners - Patricia Easteal and Louise McOrmond-Plummer. |
This book is the first of it's kind written for survivors of partner rape and covering numerous subjects such as defining and naming partner rape, the [perpetrators, healing, future relationships, advice for supporters and going through the courts. |
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Voices of The Survivors - Patricia Easteal |
An Australian text, this book covers rape in very many settings, including by husbands, boyfriends and estranged partners. It is an excellent and validating read. (Dr Easteal has been an important ally in getting partner-rape recognized, and who has done much for the issue of domestic violence in Australia; see for example her important study Killing the Beloved: Homicide between Adult Sexual Intimates and Double Jeopardy: Violence Against Immigrant Women in the Home. ) |
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The Rapist Who Pays the Rent - Ruth Hall, Selma James and Judith Kertesz |
A British text which covers WAR'S fight to have rape in marriage recognized as a crime. Can be mail-ordered cheaply from WAR (Women Against Rape, UK) |
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License to Rape: Sexual Abuse of Wives - David Finkelhor & Kersti Yllo |
This landmark study covers many aspects of rape by husbands, including affects on women and potential strategies for ending it. Also, interviews with husbands who raped their wives - scary, but truly illuminates that it is their problem, their issues around power and not your fault. A classic and favourite of mine. |
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Wife Rape: Understanding the Response of Survivors and Service Providers - Raquel Kennedy Bergen |
Excellent study with lots of material on the responses and needs of survivors of rape by husbands, as well suggestions for change in service provision. |
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I Never called it Rape - Robin Warshaw |
Published results of the MS. study on rape by dates and acquaintances. Much good and relevant material for survivors of partner rape.
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Rape in Marriage - Diana E.H. Russell |
A must-read for anybody seeking to understand rape by partners. Ms. Russell also includes a section on the rape of lovers, i.e. boyfriends. Excellent coverage of the view of women as property from historical times. Looks intelligently at the problem of subsuming marital rape under the category of domestic violence, and the troubled history of rape crisis and domestic violence service responses to partner rape. |
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Trauma and Recovery: From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror - Judith Lewis Herman |
A classic and favourite of mine. Scholarly but very human and compassionate. Covers the many reasons why women may find themselves unable to leave abusive relationships. Discusses safety as it is related to healing. |
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| Resurrection After Rape - Matt Atkinson |
| A wonderful guidebook for female survivors of sexual assault.. It is comprehensive, compassionate, articulate and moved me to tears several times. Subjects covered include: Survivors and sexuality, why rape happens , why it hurts so badly when people downplay what happened to us and what to do, panic attacks, common mistakes therapists make and much, much more. While it isn't geared towards IPSA, there is still much that is most useful. It's time new life was breathed into recovery literature, and the author (a therapist) has ably achieved this. Mr Atkinson has made free downloads of this work available for a limited time - please go here and see this book for yourself. Splendid. |
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I Can't Get Over it: A Handbook for Trauma Survivors - Aphrodite Matsakis Ph. D |
Excellent. Explains PTSD thoroughly but without 'textbooky' stodginess. Good sections on domestic violence and rape. Strategies for healing and taking control of your life again. |
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| Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes: A practical guide to choosing the right counsellor - Dawn Spinks (Psychologist) |
| This books is a good, practical and easy-to-read guide for findsing a counsellor. I'm lucky enough to have a signed copy! |
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| Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft |
I am including it first on this list because it is the first book I would recommend on the subject of relationship violence. It is FANTASTIC. I feel remiss in not having read it earlier for use in my own work (expect quotes and citations to pop up on this site in future). At the risk of being superfluous, this is about the best helping manual on domestic violence I've read. I'm sure family wondered why I kept murmuring "Effing brilliant" while I was reading it. At the time of its publication (2002), Mr. Bancroft had spent 15 years working with abusive men of every stripe (physically abusive, emotionally abusive, sexually abusive, all of the above), as well as their partners. He carefully dismantles excuses and myths about why men abuse, or about the "type" of man that abuses (not just abusive "macho men" but also sensitive "new age" guys who abuse).. Partner rape survivors should be aware there's a whole, excellent chapter on the abusive use of sex. Offers sound advice to women for getting safe and staying safe, how to tell if change is genuine, and provides information about abusers threats of taking the children away. I personally was also pleased to see challenges to the (increasingly strident) claims of the "Battered Men's Movement" and the way that these claims shelter abusers who use the movement as another way to blame the women they've hurt.
Well-written, easy to understand, compassionate and comprehensive. If you are living with an abusive partner now, if you have done so in the past, if you are somebody who works with or supports an abused woman, you NEED to read this excellent book. Please - it is essential to safety, healing, support and validation at all levels. I just cannot praise it highly enough. Mr. Bancroft is also the author of several other books and some really terrific articles - see his site here. |
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| It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence - Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R.Hock |
| This book is terrific and full of emotional and practical information for survivors of abusive relationships who have left. I thoroughly recommend it. It's highly readable and contains information about finances, children, being tempted to go back, beginning to heal and much more. |
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When Violence Begins at Home: A comprehensive guide to understanding and ending Domestic Abuse - K.J. Wilson, Ed.D |
Dr. Wilson, herself a survivor of domestic violence, has written what is one of the best texts I have seen on the topic. She gives practical as well as psychological advice for rebuilding your life. Good information for workers. |
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Free Yourself from an Abusive Relationship:Seven Steps to Taking Back Your Life by Andrea Lissette M.A., CDVC and Richard Kraus Ph.D |
I have this - very practical and down to -earth, gives good advice for both leaving and healing afterwards. |
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| The Gift of Fear - Gavin de Becker |
| I bought this book because it had been referred to in several domestic violence texts. I think it contains very important information for women leaving violent relationships. Teaches how to trust our instincts, and, extremely important, assessing whether getting a restraining order is likely to escalate violence and what to do. I would suggest that domestic violence survivors beware of the secondary wounding note in de Becker's insistence that if a woman is hit once, she's a victim and after that, she's a "volunteer." I'm sure that goes over well with the Oprah set, but he appears to roundly dismiss the trauma that can be a part of accommodating ongoing violence. The compassion he expresses for victims of other violent crime is not as apparent when it comes to DV - perhaps because as a boy he had to suffer very damaging behaviour from his mother's violent partners - and I do not want to dismiss the pain DV causes children, I just found the "volunteer" thing offensive. Nevertheless, I include this text here because I do think it has very great merit in other ways, including the potential to save the lives of women escaping DV. I am also aware that Mr. de Becker has done very proactive work with shelters. No point throwing a terrific baby out with a bit of grotty bathwater, is there? |
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| Next Time She'll Be Dead: Battering and How to Stop It - Ann Jones |
| I have this excellent book that covers many dimensions of domestic violence in the USA (still relevant reading for women elsewhere; I'm an Aussie and I love it). Battery and the social callous indifference toward it is depressing but Jones picks apart the forces that underpin victim blame, proposing strategies for change. |
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| Getting Away With Murder - Phil Cleary |
Julie Ramage presumed the right to end her marriage, and was murdered by her ex-husband. The court, upholding timeless notions about women as the property of their husbands, ruled that Mrs. Ramage "contributed" to her own murder and handed down
a manifestly inadequate sentence to the perpetrator. Phil Cleary, who lost his sister in similar circumstances and whose family was treated to a second outrage by hearing her blamed by the courts (please see Just another little murder: A brother's pursuit of justice by Phil Cleary) has written a book about the Ramage case. A must read for anybody who cares about the right of women to decide their futures without facing (judicially reinforced) male violence. |
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Recovery : How to Survive Sexual Assault for Women, Men, Teenagers, and Their Friends and Families
Helen Benedict |
| I've not read this, however I do have Benedict's Virgin or Vamp on portrayals of sexual assault and it's victims in the media, so I know she's a good writer. |
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| In Love and In Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships - Barrie Levy |
| Designed to help teens protect themselves. |
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| Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Teen Guide - Kathleen M. McGee and Laura J. Buddenberg |
| Advice on looking out for yourself - how to read sexual manipulation, safety in chat-rooms etc. |
PERSONAL SURVIVOR ACCOUNTS |
Dragonslippers: This is What an Abusive Relationship Looks Like - Rosalind Penfold |
| I have just finished reading this splendid book, and I heartily recommend it for survivors, professionals and all who care about survivors.. Ms. Penfold shares her journey through and out of domestic abuse through a series of cartoon drawings. It is a heartbreaking and chilling look at how we become entrenched in such relationships.It is also hopeful. The author says, "Art can deliver the truth" and I say amen - the graphic form is in some ways perhaps more illustrative than text. |
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| RISE - Ingrid Poulson (Pub. Aug 2008) |
| I want to recommend this book. Ingrid Poulson is an Australian woman who who experienced what many of us would consider to be the ultimate tragedy. In 2003, she left an abusive husband who continued to pursue and threaten her despite a restraining order. One night, her ex-partner came to her home, tied Ms. Poulson up and raped her. Bravely, Ms. Poulson went to report the rape the next day, leaving her father to mind her children, Sebastian, two, and Marilyn, four. Upon her return, her ex-partner was in the act of stabbing Ms. Poulson's beloved father and children fatally. The police shot him dead. How does one survive after something so shocking, you may ask? RISE is Ms. Poulson's answer the this question. The book opens with Ms. Poulson's attempts to articulate what it felt like to have nothing left, and to decide, "I will not be brought so low." She shares with us the strategies that enabled her to RISE, and tells us how we may make these our own in the face of life and the horrors it can throw. And this woman ought to know. Please read this wonderful book by a remarkable woman (who doesn't seem to think she's all that remarkable) - it is inspiring, and is further encouragement to our own healing. |
| A House Full of Whispers - Sharon Wallace |
| Sharon shares her story of child sexual abuse, healing and hope. |
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| Judas Kisses: A True Story of Betrayal and Survival - Donna Carson and Debbie Ritchie (April 2007) |
Donna Carson is a true Australian Heroine. On Good Friday in 1994, her partner beat her, doused her in petrol and set her alight in front of her two sons. As Donna hovers between life and death for six months, the Welfare, on the basis of neighbourhood rumour which had Donna setting herself alight, take her children away. With horrific burns to most of her body, Donna survives and fights back the system that reabused her. She has gone on to work with victims of domestic violence and burns survivors. We still have a long way to go when women who have experienced something so horrifying can be blamed for it. But Donna is brave, witty and tough. Read this book. You will admire her as much as I did. Also available at Amazon UK |
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| Dancing With the Devil: A Memoir by Amy Norman. |
I've read this Australian woman's journey through and out of horrific domestic violence including rape. It's courageously frank and therefore triggering - but utterly worthwhile for validation and Amy's message of hope.
Amy says, "My goals for writing Dancing with the Devil were to give those living with violence the chance to realise that there is hope, and the opportunity to move onto a better life, even though at the time there seems little or no hope at all. I also wanted to reach those who don't understand it at all and hopefully wipe out some of the myths that still exist in the minds of so many."
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| Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story- Lynn C. Tolson. |
| I'm honoured to be giving Lynn's book, which is listed with the National Sexual Violence Resource center, a plug on this site. Beyond the Tears begins with the suicide attempt of an abused and addicted twenty-five-year-old woman. In the aftermath, she commits to counseling to recover from anxiety and depression. The author engages the reader in the therapy sessions, where the young woman reveals dysfunctional family relationships, including mental illness, domestic violence, and sexual abuse. The reader not only views the horrors that caused the author's hopeless condition, but also experiences the wisdom that lead to health and happiness. Due to the therapeutic process, the woman discovers a path to love and the value of life, and she ultimately achieves a life that reflects health and happiness. By sharing the problems and solutions discussed in counseling, the author provides a message of hope. |
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| Point Last Seen - Ricky Hunter |
| Ricky tells the story of her horrifying abduction by a paedophile at age 5, and her experiences of domestic violence and partner rape. It's also a story of hope, courage and ultimate healing through severe PTSD. powerful and important voice, and encouraging for those who are suffering. I have read Ricky's book, and it will inspire and encourage other survivors. |
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| I Promise Not to Tell, - Brenda M Weber |
| At the age of nine, Brenda's mother dies in the family home. The trauma of it results in most of her childhood memories being repressed. At the age of sixteen an event happens that triggers the return of one memory. Her sexual adventures lead her into abusive relationships and withdrawal from her family. One of these relationships imprisons her for ten years, with a deplorable view of her life. With her revelation of many secrets, this is her journey to freedom and inner peace |
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| Stolen Innocence: Triumphing Over a Childhood Broken by Abuse - Erin Merryn |
| Eleven-year-old Erin Merryn's life was transformed on the night she was sexually abused by her cousin, someone she loved and trusted. Through her personal diary, written during the years of her abuse, Erin shares her journey through pain and confusion to inner strength and, ultimately, forgiveness. Raw, powerful and unflinchingly honest. |
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| Bonshea: Making Light of the Dark - Coral Anika Theill |
Ms. Theill experienced twenty years of domestic violence, including rape and pregnancy after which her ex-partner successfully gained custody of her children and was supported by his church community. Ms. Theill says: "In my true life story, I address issues such as abuse, childhood sexual molestation, rape, marital rape, domestic violence, ritual, spiritual and church abuse, mental illness, judicial injustice, stockholm syndrome, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and healing and recovery from trauma and abuse." Ms. Theill has taken a courageous stance against the personal and judicial injustices that characterize her experiences. |
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| Living Nightmares of Abuse - Phyllis Benton |
| Phyllis is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and abusive relationships, the last one involving stalking and repeated rape. After severe depression and other associated problems, she has now found happiness and shares her courageous journey in her book |
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| Behaving Like Adults - Anna Maxted |
| This is a novel and yet it is in a sense a personal account. I'm proud to say that a dear friend of mine interviewed the author to provide information about how it feels to be raped by a boyfriend - this was then worked into the main character, Holly. Survivors of rape by boyfriends will definitely relate to Holly's feelings as she tries to understand what has happened to her and whether it is real rape. Serious and at turns very witty and funny |
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| Telling: A Memoir of Rape and Recovery - Patricia Weaver Francisco |
| A personal favourite of mine. Beautifully written. Patricia tells us of the necessity of breaking the code of silence around rape |
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| Mummy's Witness: My Mother The Victim, My Father the Killer - Gayle Sanders |
| This book is one that should be shown to everybody who assumes that a woman experiencing violence can just walk away. The litany of violence against Gayle's mother, Susan is sickening and most heartrending for me, her murder comes at a time when she is taking steps toward freedom. I think it underlines the truth that even in women who have been battered for years and are seriously traumatized, there is still a spark of rebellion. What a pity this completely sociopathic bastard snuffed Susan's out. But not his daughter's. Gayle witnesses her mother strangled by her father, after which Gayle is cut adrift amongst strangers. After numb and deeply traumatized teen years, Gayle enters an in-patient program where she is raped by a male nurse. "Witness" means two things here: What Gayle physically saw, and her determination to be her mother's "witness" or voice. The book ends rather abruptly with Gay;e's marriage and re-entry into a life of relative normalcy; I can't help hoping that we'll hear more from Gayle in the future about her life and her healing. What pained me was the on-going guilt Gayle carries about not doing "enough" to save her mother. I had to light a candle as a gesture to honour Susan. Utterly recommended but do be in a strong place. Available from stores in Australia and from Amazon UK. |
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| Balancing the Scales: Rape, Law Reform and Australian Culture - Ed. Patricia Easteal |
| A series of excellent legal essays on aspects of rape law, and inequity in Australia. Much focus on ideas of what is "real" rape, and directives for change. Survivors who have been through the courts need to read Pia Van Zandt's Heroines of Fortitude. |
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| Carnal Knowledge: Rape on Trial - Sue Lees |
| A brilliant UK text by the late and very great Sue Lees which analyses many aspects of rape law.. Amongst many other things., I love Lees' dissecting of the idea that women commonly falsify reports of rape. Excellent exploration of definitions of consent. |
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| Real Rape - Susan Estrich |
| This is a classic USA text which explores inequities in the law contributed to by stereotypical notions of rape. |
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| Transforming a Rape Culture - Emilie Buchwald, Pamela R. Fletcher, Martha Roth (Eds) |
| I am thrilled that this book exists. Beautiful, strong and insightful essays into why rape culture exists and what must be done. Survivors of marital rape, please read Carol Adams' essay. |
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| Against our Will: Men, Women and Rape - Susan Brownmiller |
| Essential reading. Exploration of historical and contemporary approval of rape as a tool of power over women. Analysis of rape in many settings. Though this classic is over 30 years old, its power hasn't diminished. |
RELIGION AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/RAPE |
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| Although I have not read this book, I discovered the site today, and it looks like an excellent and comprehensive resource for abused women struggling with questions of faith and the permissibility of divorce. Ms. Roberts is a Christian and a survivor of an abusive relationship. Well-researched and compassionate. Ms Roberts also recommends the following three books: |
Waneta Dawn - Behind the Hedge: a novel
Susan Greenfield - Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand Up Susan’s ex-husband is a youth pastor.
Jocelyn Andersen - Woman Submit! Jocelyn’s violent ex-husband was an associate pastor of their church.
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| Sexual Violence, the Umentionable Sin: An Ethical and Pastoral Consideration - Marie M. Fortune |
| Explores what the church must do to end the silence and pain of women sexually abused. Reverend Fortune's work on sexual violence and religion has been revolutionary. Please also see Rev. Fortune's "Sexual Violence: The Sin Revisited, which is an updated edition of the earlier book, and looks at how pastoral considerations of violence to women are changing. |
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| Keeping the Faith: Guidance for Christian Women facing Abuse - Marie M Fortune |
| I haven't read this one, but the reviewers on Amazon love it, and for me, the author's name recommends it |
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| OPENING - Haiku & Poetry by April A.Severin |
I am the proud owner of this lovely book and the powerful works contained therein.
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| A Voice that has Spoken from Within - Marie Waldrep |
| Ms. Waldrep, a long-time activist for survivors of child sexual abuse, has published a book of beautiful poetry. |
| HOW TO HELP SURVIVORS AS YOU PURCHASE BOOKS |
| Using the Amazon. US and UK search boxes below to buy books will benefit Pandora's Aquarium and the hundreds of survivors of rape and sexual assault who access this valuable service |
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WHAT'S ON THIS PAGE?
Each book title is a link to more information about the book, or to where it can be purchased 
