||It's extremely difficult to tell my story. But here it goes.
My sexual assault lasted for four days straight. April 14th-18th 2011, two days it was verbally, last two days was physically. My abuser's name was Jarrod, and I was dating him when he sexually assaulted me.
On April 14th, 2011, I was just regularly talking to my friend Luke, which I usually do on a daily basis. Then Jarrod popped up on my chat and started talking to me about how he wanted to date me. I told him I no longer had feelings for him and he started arguing with me saying the feelings would come back. I was shaking uncontrollably, I thought I was having a panic attack. I gave him permission to call my phone, not the best choice I ever made. He started to make me play this Truth or Dare game, but in a sexual way. I told him I wanted to stop playing so we stopped playing that. I don't exactly remember what else we talked about that night.
Then, on April 15th, 2011, a more worse day, he woke me up at 7 in the morning by his phone call. He kept saying sorry but I said it was okay, that I probably would've woken up early anyway. My grandma started to call when I was in the middle of talking to him, so I hung up on him but he called me 5 minutes later, then hung up on my grandma to talk to Jarrod. I told him that I was talking to my grandma and he repeatedly said sorry. I told him it was okay. Later in the day, I told him that I wanted some time of my own for a little bit and he said okay and we both hung up. He called me two minutes later saying he missed me so much and he needed to talk to me. I can't believe that I actually believed him... We were on the phone for about 8 hours, non-stop. He didn't let me get off the phone to go eat.
April 16th, 2011. He called me at 8 in the morning. I was still asleep. I told him that, and he repeatedly said sorry. I told him once again that it was okay and I was pretty much half awake anyways. I lied, just to make him feel better. Terrible mistake. But anyway, he knew that my parents were out on the boat and I chose not to go with, because I was going to talk to Jarrod all day and I didn't like going on the ocean. He asked me if he can come to my house, I'm so glad I said no. My life would've been ruined on my own bed. I lied and said they would be back in a couple hours, and I don't want you to get caught.
After a couple minutes he told me that he wanted me to get naked in front of a mirror and we're going to play around over the phone or something like that. I don't remember exactly what he said. He said it was a strategy to make me stop thinking bad of myself. He told me to go into the bathroom and he'll take me to take off one piece of clothing one by one and he'd do the same. I told him that I was taking my clothes off when really I wasn't. I made sounds like I was taking my clothes off, like playing with my clothes. He then started to make me listen to him giving me phone sex. I told him to stop, but then he said to relax and he started talking like that again. He was trying to make me horny, and all it was doing was scaring me even more. Plus, I was molested by my step brother when I was 6, Jarrod was trying to get me used to guys by doing that. I told him it was bringing flashbacks of my past abuse, then he told me a fake story about him being abused as a child. He told me to go get an icecube, sit on the floor, and put the icecube into my vagina and start fingering myself. I told him I was doing that but I lied so that hopefully he'd leave me alone. I kept making excuses saying that it was triggering me to my past, hoping he would say : "Okay, stop then." Nope, he told me to do it anyways. I said I was, and I made a fake moan, to make him think I was actually doing it.
Jarrod told me that he was going to nickname my vagina. The nickname he gave my vagina was Bella. He told me I need to name his penis. I told him I would think about it when I'm in the shower. He called me when I was in the shower for 5 minutes, I told him once I got out of the shower I'd call him back. He said okay, that he trusts me, and he'll be waiting. He called me about 2 minutes later telling me that he misses me and has to talk to me. I told him I'm still in the shower and I can't get my phone wet. So he told me when I get out of the shower to not put my clothes back on and we hung up.
I got out of the shower about 20 minutes later and put my clothes back on. I didn't think about naming his penis. I wasn't going to call him back for about an hour so that I could have some time to myself but he called me back 10 minutes later so I lied and said that I had to eat with my family.
Later the same night, me and Jarrod just happened to be watching the same show on Nick@Nite called My Wife And Kids. Kyle, the dad of the show, his daughter held a Fashion Show for the family and Kyle came out in tight jeans with no shirt on. Jarrod told me "Wow! If you look anywhere below his neck I'm going to fuck you tomorrow." Sorry for language. But that's exactly what he said. The daughter of the show had a fake baby doll and I told him I was watching the baby because I thought it was cute and he asked me if I wanted him to get me pregnant. I thought nothing of any of that.
April 17th, 2011, was much worse than any of those other days. It was the day I'd never be the same again and everything changed.
At 1:30 I left the house to meet up with Jarrod at Veterans Memorial Park. Me, my mom, Jarrod's dad, Jarrod's mom, and Jarrod's brother all stayed there for about 20 minutes. While my mom had her back turned and was talking to Jarrod's mom, Jarrod gave me a blow kiss with a "sexy" face and I laughed to try and hide the fear. At about 2:25 we left the park and started walking to his house. On the way to his house he started to hold my hand when I didn't want him too and repeatedly kissing it every couple seconds just to freak me out.
When I finally got to Jarrod's house he let me have some tea and we stayed on the couch next to his mom for 15 minutes while he was repeatedly asking if I could go into his room. I said I would go in his room, worst mistake I ever made in my life and still regret it more than anything.
When I first went into his room I stand on the very edge and he pulled me by my shirt closer to being on the bed. He gave me the remote and let me play the game for like 10 minutes, and that's when everything started. He told me to put the controller down and spread my legs, so I did, then he told me to spread them more. He took my phone, put the keyboard on lock, and put it on his headboard. He started rubbing me down there with my pants on. He then asked me if I trusted him, I lied and told him yes, so he told me to kiss him and I didn't. He told me to lay down on the pillow and to relax, I wanted to try and get out of it, but he said to just relax and trust me. He got off the bed, rubbed my feet and said that was the worst he was going to do. Yeah, right. Whatever. He went to the end of the bed, pulled me by my ankles more down the bed, spread my legs, got between them, and started showing me how he was going to have sex with me in the 8th month we were dating. He was making out with me at the same time. He stopped after like, half a minute, because his mom walked in, I wish she would've caught him. After she left he took my wrist, felt my fingers and said to trust him, then put my hand on his penis and told me to feel around.
He got off the bed, again, spread my legs, got in between them, and once again showed me how she would have sex with me when he did. He made me put my legs in a bunch of different sex poses. Again, he was making out with me, so it was difficult to say stop. I let him continue, he made me imagine his penis being inside of me, I did. I still can imagine feeling his penis inside of me, it hurts, even though it wasn't actual intercourse. He got back on the bed next to me, gave me the controller and let me play the video game. While I was playing the game he started feeling all over my legs. He said while I'm playing the game he was going to feel my breasts, I said I didn't want him too repeatedly but he said to stay calm and I just want to see your reaction. I rammed into the corner three times on the game when he did that. I still feel his hands on my breasts. He said my breasts were beautiful, that they weren't too big, or too small.
When I was on the bed, he got off the bed, got in between my legs, and just sat there when I was staring at the clock. Waiting for him to get off. He was straight in my face. He wanted me to play 7 Minutes In Heaven. I said no, repeatedly. He kept trying to talk me into doing it, I'm really glad I didn't play that game. He kept telling me not to cry and I didn't, but I really wanted too.
After that, he wanted me to put on the thongs he got me for Valentine's Day last year when he just "liked me" and we were only friends. I kept saying no, what if his mom walked in. He said fine, to just show me the underwear I'm wearing. I told him I didn't want too, but he told me to anyways. So I got off the bed, unbuttoned my pants, hesitated and pulled down my pants to show him my underwear. He smiled and nodded his head. Then I got back on the bed, he told me to lay down again, he spread my legs, got between them, and once again started to show me how he was going to have sex with me while he was making out with me. This time, I was able to say "Can you stop?" He continued to kiss me until the 4th time I said it but after the 2nd time I said to stop he started chuckling. He stayed between my legs, so I started to sit up a little bit but he repeatedly said "Why don't you trust me?!" Sounding like he wanted to yell at me.
Thank God his mother walked in and said that I had to go home, or else the sexual assault would last the whole night. He gave me the thongs he bought and shoved them in the back pocket of my pants.
I almost broke down into tears on the way home but I kept telling myself to hide the tears and it would only be a little bit longer until I have to hold the tears inside. He repeatedly was asking me out in texts when I was in the passenger seat and he was in the back seat.
When I got home he followed me out to the back door to get the key and tried to kiss me but I went to the front door, unlocked it, and he followed me inside and started making out with me. He then rubbed my vagina and whispered "Take care of her while I'm gone, okay?" And smiled. The second he left, I walked to the door, silently locked it to make sure he didn't come back inside, and broke down into tears. I thought I was going to fall to my knees because of how much emotional pain was going on.
I went into the shower and put the water on about 90 degrees then scrubbed myself until I looked red, just so I can be taken away from the emotional pain. I fell to the ground crying in the shower. I was in a fetal position for about 5 minutes. I felt like a used piece of crap and I was in complete shock and disbelief.
He called me the first 10 minutes I was in the shower and I answered, I told him I was in the shower and I would call him back afterwards. I got out of the shower and got dressed, went to my room and hid the thong in my bookbag.
I got on Facebook to tell my friends about what happened to get support and advice. I didn't listen to my friends advice whatsoever, which still, I regret. Jarrod called me and said to take the thong and send pictures of it in the bathroom. I sent two pictures where apparently he couldn't see my face. I told him it coudn't zoom in, that was a lie. He said to just send a picture with the thong on, and I didn't have to show my face or anything. I took those pictures and said that the pictures won't said, that it was saying "Connection Error." Each time I tried to send it. I lied, and he knew it. He said fine, to just send them to me at school.
My friend Lorna called me while I was on the phone with Jarrod and he told me not to tell her anything that he said or did. I already told her a bunch of things. I hung up on him and talked to Lorna, telling her what he made me do and what all happened that day. I was crying so hard that I couldn't even talk, every time Jarrod called back, I would just go silent and tell Lorna to be quiet and I would silently cry until the ringer stopped, because I was so paranoid I thought he would've been able to hear the conversation just by trying to call.
I hung up with Lorna saying I had to answer the call, because I felt like I had too. She said to just ignore him and eventually he'll stop calling. He stopped for a couple minutes but just called right back. I told her I was going to hang up. So she just hung up on me. I called Jarrod back and he asked me where we were going to meet up at school the next day. I told him I didn't want to meet up tomorrow because I'm just going to go straight to class and we could meet up on Wednesday. He started pretending to cry and asked "Why?! It was something that I did! Tell me what I did wrong." I wanted to tell him everything but back then I felt bad for everyone and gave in a lot. I told him he didn't do anything. He asked me if I didn't want to see him just because I was on my period and I said no. I wish I would've said Yes. I would've easily gotten out of it since he told me that if I was on my period he would leave me alone. I hung up with him because I said Lorna was calling. That was a lie. So I hung up with him. I turned on the TV and curled up in a ball trying to go to sleep. My parents walked into my room and asked how hanging out with him went. I said good and said I want to go to sleep. So they closed my door half way and left me alone. I didn't actually fall asleep that night, I curled up into a ball, and was crying until I made myself fall asleep. Before I actually fell asleep I would be terrified to close my eyes because all I would see is Jarrod's face. He called me 8 times in a row and I didn't answer either of them but I couldn't stop crying. He sent me 3 text messages and one of them were "If you don't answer the phone I'll send you a picture of my dick." He said that because he knows I was scared of seeing his penis.
Each time Jarrod called me, the more scared I was of sleeping. The only reason I kept my phone on, was because I was waiting for Lorna to text me back, but she never did.
April 18th, 2011, was another terrible day, and have painful memories every time I go to school. But anyway, I was woken up at 5 in the morning by his phone call. I answered and asked what he wanted. He asked me where we were going to meet to make sure. I didn't hang up, because I couldn't make up an excuse too. Who would try to call me at 5 in the morning? Jarrod told me to give him my house phone, and I did. Another huge mistake. He called me on my house phone to see if I gave him the right number and told me to get on Facebook. I took my computer in the bathroom with me so I could straighten my hair and talk to him on Facebook at the same time. Jarrod messaged me on Facebook saying "Hey naked baby." Then asked if I laughed. I said a little bit when really I was about to cry. I told him I have to get off the computer to get on the bus and he kept me online for another couple minutes telling me how much he cared and loved me.
I got offline, put on my make-up, like a regular daily routine, except more emotionally painful. I got on the bus terrified because I thought someone was going to notice that something is wrong with me. I sat down and someone sat down next to me, unfortunately. Jarrod started texting me, how he loved me, asking me out, how he was going to touch me and how he didn't want me to say no because I just have to get used to it and he won't ever hurt me. He also called me to say that. I cried, and my make-up kept going down my face. I was embarressed. I felt like people were watching the ugly black tears fall down my face and no longer any make-up.
I found out that Jarrod's bus was right behind mine when we were pulling into the school and that was when I had to suck up my tears and get over it. I wanted to beg the person next to me to help me or let my bus driver keep me on the bus, but I couldn't. I got off the bus and seen Jarrod with his friend but pretended not to see him. I looked behind me and pretended to look surprised he was there. In my head when we were walking to a place without cameras I was saying "Let's just get this pain over with and it's all over." He pulled me by my side and whispered "Come on baby, just be happy." I lied and said I was, which was also a lie.
He walked me into the drama department, where there are absolutely no cameras whatsoever. We both sat on the third step and first thing he did was he told me to take my cellphone out and show him pictures of the thong. I took my phone out, unlocked the keyboard, went onto the pictures and showed him. He said I had a cute little butt. I was grossed out and terrified. He sent them to his phone himself and I pretended to be surprised they sent. I think that he was punishing me by touching me. He started rubbing my vagina and I said "Can you stop?" And he said "Okay, I'll rub up here instead." I said to stop again. And then he told me that he'd never hurt me and touched my hand. I was hoping that someone would walk in and see him touching me, but no one came in. If someone walked inside, he would stop and just freeze, act like nothing has happened.
Jarrod asked me "Do you trust me?" I said "Yeah, I do." Which was a complete lie. He said "Okay, so if you trust me, then sit on my lap." I said I didn't want to get up, but I still trust you. Then he said "You don't trust me." I said "Okay, fine. You can believe what you want to believe. But I trust you." He told me to get up and he had me walk to the corner. He cornered me and told me "You know I would never hurt you right?" Then my friend Michael came in thank God and hugged me. I wanted to whisper in his ear "Help me." But I have no idea what would happen then. I was going to walk away and say I'm going to class but Jarrod said wait, and kept me there. Jarrod put his hand up my shirt, into my bra, and started to feel my breasts. While he was doing that he was staring into my eyes grinning at me. I asked him "Can you stop?" And said I was going to class. He said okay, grabbed my bag, kissed me, said I love you and went out the door.
I wish my story could have had a happy ending, like he went to jail, or something. But nothing happened. I didn't get justice like I wanted too. After the sexual assault, things only got worse for me, I developed a bad relationship with my family because I found out weeks later that my family never really believed me. I'm scared of relationships, even though I'm dating. I'm still in fear. I have to see my abuser in school still and I'm going through a lot now.
Thank you for letting me tell my story.