Aohrodite Wounded - Support for Women sexually assaulted by male partners and educational resources for professionals
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Survivor's Name:

Nicaela Hernandez

Survivor's Story: December 11th. That date will forever remain engraved inside my mind. It was the week of finals for my college and I was getting in last minute studying for biology 177. I had an early final that next morning and I had gone over to his house for some study help. We had just bought bottles of soda at the gas station to help us get through the studying. I had drank a lot of the soda which made me have to use the bathroom. As I excused myself to go to the restroom I came back to find that there was more soda in the bottle.
I opened up the bottle and instantly smelled the strong stench of alcohol. He had tried to spike my drink! I was so confused. I confronted him about it but he tried to play dumb and denied it. After that I didn't drink the rest. I just wanted to finish studying then go home. As I got comfortable he started to massage my arm. I let him because I didn't see this as a threat. However, he started to run his filthy hand up and down my body. I pushed his hand away and asked just what was he trying to do. He could tell that I was uncomfortable so he stopped for a while.
However, he was so persistent. He continued to touch me only this time he stuck his hand up my shirt and grabbed my breast. I hit his arm and insisted that I was leaving! This made him "apologize" and he promised he'd stop. I had given all my trust to this guy ever since I met him. We shared family issues, friend issues, and things that we liked and disliked. I opened up to this guy. Since I had known him for a while I gave him one last chance to stop. He acted like he was helping me by trying to explain the labels of the human brain that I had been studying. Just then he started to pull my pants down. I tried to resist and pull them back up but he said "no it's ok, it's ok just let me do this". My heart started pounding because I knew what he wanted now. All of this was just a facade and he was deceiving me this whole time.
I had one hand trying to pull my pants and underwear up and the other hand was hitting his hand. He then had both of his hands around my pants and had succeeded in pulling my pants and underwear down to my ankles. I started shouting "NO NO I DON'T WANT THIS!! STOP IT!!!" He didn't care, he placed his elbow on my forearm and pinned me down with his knees on my legs. He showed no mercy as he put all his weight on me so I cried because I knew I had lost. And this asshole had gotten what he wanted all along. He was violating me and there was nothing I could do but scream and cry. I tried to hit him but he grabbed my hand and held it down. Could smell the alcohol on his breath. He tried to kiss me but I turned my head so he kissed and slobbered all over my neck.
I felt so gross and filthy. I was so hopeless. There was no protection as he made sure he finished inside me. I cried and cried but no one was there to save me from this monster. That next morning I had missed my final. The professor had to let me retake it. The detectives and police did not prosecute him. They let him go. He had lied about everything and since there were no witnesses they didn't take him to jail. He was free to go. I had to go through many lab tests and medications including one for std's and the after pill. I was stuck with the physical and emotional scars while he got to enjoy his Christmas as if nothing ever happened.
It turned out this guy was not 22 like he said he was, this guy was 36 years old! I am 19 years old. He did not go to my school, he made it seem that way. He did not go to any school. I was so angry and hurt and sad by the injustice. It seemed the victim had to pay the consequences while this 36 year old evil bastard got to walk free. I thought about suicide and I still do. It seems that the thought of ending it all will always be an option. But then I looked to these organizations and I read all these survivor stories and I think how I am not alone. I will never be alone! Monsters like him who have to force sexual contact on someone are obviously not worthy enough of anyone and they are the ones that end up alone! I am thankful to have this support now and day by day I am getting through this. I survived.That's exactly what I am.. A survivor!
Submitted January 26 , 2014 4 : 39 am

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