Aohrodite Wounded - Support for Women sexually assaulted by male partners and educational resources for professionals
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~ Suzanne Vega~
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Survivor's Story:

I'm 19 now. My friend has just had her baby. We were talking aobut people we
went to school with and seeing as we never went to the same high school, we talked about people who went to our elementary school.
I remembered when I was 10 there were friends I had named Ryan, Kevin, Adrian, Curtis, and a few others. But those guys fit the story the most.
Adrian had been crushing on me for the past year. But I always just laughed when the idea was brought up. However, Curtis liked me too, but had a harder time showing it and didn't tell everybody.
I developed very young, having to use training bras at age 8. At this time, I needed training bras with padding for more support. Shortly before being 12 I hit the A cup. I got attention naturally and tried to ignore it.
Adrian had moved away the next year, and after this Curtis got wierd. He tried to hold my hand walking around the playground. If I wasn't out early fro recess, he would wait for me where all of us hung out at the baseball diamond away from everyone else. He got me portions of extra food from the schools hot lunch portion like chocolate milk and pizza because other kids pushed me out of the way. I had big breasts for the age, but I stood at least a foot shorter than everyone else. Eventually I said I didn't want his extra treats as he got 'nicer' with every treat. He started to get mad and talk to toher boys that didn't like me. Eventually he came back to our group saying he was wrong. At the end of break, he grabbed m hand and held me out of ear shot from eveyrbody else and said "You are my queen". I told him I didn't have a crush on him, I liked Ryan. And he stayed at the diamond. One day Ryan and his brother Kevin were sick and it was me and Curtis. I was building mud castles and he said while nobody else was around he wanted to show me something. I got up and asked him what. He grabbed my hair and tried to kiss me, so I scratched him across the face. He gave me an evil look, I won't forget the shady eyes. He grabbed me and threw me into the diamond fence, bending it out of shape. I scrambbled onto my feet and ran. I told him to go away when we were close to my class room as I knew at this point he wanted control, I had to get that out of his head by showing I was in control, And I stood my ground. He tried stepping forward, and I stood still. He walked away and I told the teachers what happened. I asked them not to tell my Mom because she would say that somehow it was my fault for hanging around him and I'd get grounded, so they never told her. Later that year, Curtis was moved to another school and I never saw him again, and thank god we were too young to know last names so that he can't come back; same with my other attacker.
I went to a housewarming party for Ryan and Kevin about a year later whe I was 12, and thier family and Adrian was there too. Us and all the other kids played hide and seek.
I climbed into a closet and hid in the corner. I didn't know that Adrian had followed me to my spot. He got in after I settled in and put his finger over his mouth saying shhhh! Then he closed the door and it was dark. Next thing I knew he was on top of me! I hit him to say "I'm here!" But he held down my hand. He grabbed my leg to get them up by his shoulder. I took my other leg and kicked him in the chest as hard as I could. However, I did try to aim for his face but when your being restrained its hard. He had the wind knocked out of him and fell to the ground. I actually thought for a second I'd have killed him! Howvere he gained his breath, looked and me as if to say "we're both going to get grounded from our parents upstairs if they hear about this' and left. I never saw him again.
However, both these memories reminded me of when I was 5, me and my Mom went to go get my sister from a rehersal at school and it was dark out. I was checking out everything and my Mom said "If you don't catch up I'm leaving you behind!" I didn't think she'd actually do it. But she did and I went to the school playground to look for her. A man came up and touched my shoulder. I tried to scream because he was a stranger, but I was too scared.
I remember my pants being off, him on top of me, and my next bath burning down there, but this me memory is still mainly repressed.
All of these events in my childhood I thought if had told anybody that I would have been the one in trouble 'as usual'. That it would be my fault for being part of the social group or not doing what my parents told me. Because of the confusion I repressed them because I didn't know how to deal with them. A thought so foreign was not worth my time if I couldn't figure it out/ But nobody told me what had happened because I didn't ask. Also, my parents though I should be learning these things in school, and they only had to have me for the evenings.
But because I knew this happened, I down played partner rape thinking that it was non-exsitent and if it was so common, that that was how I was supposed to do and how to feel. Which leads me to another story at the age of 16.
Submitted December 12 , 2011 8 : 50 am

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