|My name is Taylor i am 15 years old and when i was 11 i was raped. My mother was dating some guy name Randy. He was very sweet and loving and i thought he cared about me. Well that changed one day when my mom had to work on a saturday night. When i was eleven i wasn`t considered as a beautiful person. I had braces and glasses. I wasn`t the type of girl who wore the nice clothes and has the nicest or cleanest shoes. i was abuse at home every time i didn`t something my mom didn`t like she would hit and throw things at me and call me names like bitch and whore and slut and all the others cruel names you could think of. I wanted to kill myself so bad i would try so hard but i couldn`t. When i would do something wrong she would kick out the house and i would go days with out eating and when i was at home i barely wouldn`t eat she would feed me so little. One day she told me that she had to work over-time and she wouldn`t be back until late so was going to let randy watch me. I was so happy because randy was the only person in the world who made feel like i was someone special.... but i was wrong. When he came he told me to go take a shower and we was going to do something special. So i was in the shower so happy and i couldn`t wait to see what we was going to do. So when i got out of the shower and put clothes i ran down stairs to see if he was ready to go but instead he was down stairs naked masterbating. i went over there to ask him what is he doing. he said preparing himself. He told me to give him oral sex. I didn`t know what that was. He told me to put his dick in my mouth and for me to suck it. I asked him why and he said because i like you and you like me. so i did it and it was horrible the tast was nasty and i felt sick. He told me that he was going to get me prepared for sex to. What the fuck was sex of course i didn`t know i was only eleven. He started to stick his tounge in my vagina and all over my pussy. He would stick his finger inside me one at a time so when he got to the fourth finger my vagina was bleeding. I asked him if he could stop but he said we haven`t started. He layed me down and he went inside of me. It hurt so bad it felt like my mody just split open i started to scream. He slapped me and told me to shut the fuck up and be still. i couldn`t help it the pain hurt so bad. every time i make a noise he would either slap me or go harder. He stopped to take a rest so the first chance i got i ran. He ran after me i couldn`t open the door he punch me in mt stomach and i fell to the ground. he started to kick me and punch me. He grabbed me and slammed me up agaisn`t the wall and started to punch me in my stomach he dragged me back to the family room and to go inside me again this time harder and faster. My face was bleeding so was my vagina i was crying and screaming at the same time. He choked me and couldn`t breathe. He said he is going to kill me. i was gasping for air but he wouldn`t stop. my mom came in and grabbed him off of me. They started to argue then they stopped and looked at me my mom grabbed me and push me out the house. I just stood there naked cold and helpless. I was taken to the foster home and i stayed there till i was thirteen. I still have panic attacks and i still wake up from the horrible dreams. I am still not over the mess my mom says i started but i am getting better each day.
Message from Sitemistress: Hi Taylor,
I am so sorry this happened to you, sweetie. You are not alone - similar things happened to me too.
It's very wrong that your mother is blaming you - this was NOT your fault in any way whatsoever. If you are being blamed, it will take longer for you to heal. I can really understand why you are having panic attacks. You have experienced a truly horrifying betrayal and trauma.
You do not deserve any of the abuse you've experienced, Taylor, and I do urge you to speak to a counsellor. You will eventually feel better, but you deserve help. You also deserve to have people who will be there for you and will not judge and blame you.
Please, do look at this page to see sexual assault services in your country that you can contact for free counselling.