I've finally plucked up the courage to talk about my ordeal, I have just turned 18 years old and when I was 16 I fell in love with a guy who was 19, he lived alone quite far from my city. He was amazing you would never have chose him to be what he came. He was so loving always taking me out. I would stay at his house from Friday to Monday those were the amazing times knowing id get to wake up next to him. After about 6 months it started. just minor shoves and slaps to the face which eventually turned out to be pushing me down the stairs, the worst he ever got was when he pushed me out the car as we were driving.

 

I never told anyone about what was happening but I suppose they could have guessed it.

 

we'd been together about a year when the first time he abused me sexually. I had always said to him I don't give oral sex as I never really liked the thought of it. But one day he switched hit me round the face because I wouldn't pass him the remote he got up and their was this look in his eye completely different to when he used to just beat me. I had no idea what he was going to do he forced my hands down his trousers and made me touch him I was on my knees begging him not too that's when he switched grabbed me by the hair and made me perform oral sex on him, telling me if I did it wrong he would beat me.

 

I must have not been good at it because he pushed me off him and climbed on top of me ripping my knickers off me. I just stared at the ceiling crying and telling him he was hurting, its like he couldn't hear me because he carried on which seemed like for hours.

I later found out I was pregnant, I never wanted to tell him but somehow he found out and said he was so happy for us and told me things would change and he would be their for me from now on. He lied. The most sickening thing happened when I was pregnant with my son he was obsessed with trying to touch the baby's head whilst he was raping me he pulled out grabbed this object I am still oblivious to what it was and shoved it up me. He yelled oh my god I touched his head. two days later I was bleeding, I was admitted to hospital and was told he was dead I had to give birth to my son at 6 months pregnant knowing I was never going to bring him home. After the funeral he beat me worse then ever through me around the house raped me yelling it was all my fault he's dead I was going to be a shitty mother anyway. Something in my head made me realise I was a victim in all of this. I ran grabbed our keys and locked him in the house I screamed that it wasn't nice being locked away told him the tables would turn.

 

I left him. that was a year ago I've managed to tell my recent boyfriend bout it all and he's very understanding if I'm having a bad day he would buy me flowers and tell me I've finally escaped and that their is nothing to be scared of anymore. I'm so glad I can finally talk about what had happened in my eyes I want him to rot in hell for what he did to me I would have had a beautiful baby boy now but he also not only took my innocence from he took my son away, I will never forgive him for that.

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