SURVIVORS SHARE ACCOUNTS OF TEEN PARTNER RAPE
I get numerous accounts of rape from young teenage girls. Whether your story is about partner rape or not, I am incredibly concerned about the dreadful situations you face, and because the story forms don't contain email, I can't return contact. Some of you have never told anybody. Please, if you are a young teenage girl - whatever has happened, see this page and reach out to somebody for help. If you like, you can read my story about being an abused teenager here - please know that with the right support, the way you feel won't last forever xx
Five years later I am coming to terms with this. I was 17 in my last year of highschool. He was my first boyfriend and I was a virgin. We had been dating for about 3 months and had been fooling around, everything but sex because I didn't feel ready. I was comfortable with everything that we had done so far. He often brought up the topic of sex and that he was excited for me and how much I'd enjoy it. On new years eve he got extremely drunk, while i was sober. We were at a friends house and got the spare room to sleep in. He started to fool around and started taking it too far. I was on my period, he was drunk, and we didn't have any protection. I expressed that I didn't want to but he kept talking and going on wanting to have sex. He eventually had me bent over, taking off my underwear while I tried to keep them on. It was a long time ago so I don't remember all of it, but I remember him saying "Come on, just a little bit" and he tried to put it inside me. I was extremely, extremely tight, and it wouldn't fully go in. It hurt a lot. Eventually he gave up. We layed down and at that point I tried for us to do it again, I think I had admitted defeat or maybe wanted to try and turn it into something different, something not forced. He eventually passed out and I layed there crying trying to wake him up as I was in a lot of pain and very upset. The morning after he knew he did something wrong and asked if he had raped me. I started to get upset and told him no, because it was easier to deal with at the time. My idea preconcieved notion of rape was not what happened to me. We continued to date for 4 and 1/2 year, and that night would come up occasionally. We were never really sure what to call it or label it as. He never touched me without consent again, but would get very drunk pretty often despite my discomfort. It always seemed that he would lash out at me while drunk, for example I'd tell him to slow down a bit and he smash a bottle and say "I don't give a f8ck" in reply. It seemed like he took his anger at himself out on me. It was really upsetting to always have my feelings belittled and never taken seriously when it came to his drinking. No one knew what happened so it was a joke to everyone else and his drinking was usually encouraged. I broke up with him a year and a bit ago, and once we broke up I've been able to confront what happened. I still have class with him twice a week. We have the same friends in college and as well as back home. He tried to kill himself last year, partly because of what he did to me and other issues in his life. Its hard to not feel guilty, and even though it might sound messed up its hard to see him hurt so much. Its just never how I thought things would happen, that one night could change so much. I tried for so long to make things work despite one night, but I knew it was going to come to the surface at some point. He now has a new girlfriend, who tried to befriend for the past year until they started dating. She knows what happened between us, which feels like a slap in the face. It feels like he's learning from his mistakes with her, and I'm left in the dust. It's hard to see him treat her well. Hardly anyone knows what happened, so its difficult to see him praised and respected by our peers. It feels like all my emotions contradict each other, and it makes me feel trapped. I wish he was someone I could hate.