Aohrodite Wounded - Support for Women sexually assaulted by male partners and educational resources for professionals
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Survivor's Name:

Kat Oz

Survivor's Story: I would like to share my story with all, as it is one of hope!!

I was abused as a child by both my brothers and ran away from home. I believed people could see how dirty I was, so when Gary showed an interest in me I was flattered. He was a good looking chap. I was 16 and so was he. We had lots of fun and got in lost of trouble too. One day when we were both 17 we were renting a flat and had one of his friends staying with us, I had got up in the night to go to the loo. When I returned to the bedroom he thought I had been out in the other room and was sleeping with his friend, I was so shocked. He punched me so hard that he knocked me across the room, I was so scared, yet I thought so little of myself I did not go.

The next night I was sleeping and I woke up with him having sex with me. I was so shocked that I lay frozen. I didn't let him know I was awake. He did this once more a few weeks later.

Two years later at the age of 19 we had had a daughter and he had put her into the care of the social services because she was a girl, by this time he had beaten me and broke my nose, beat me with a baseball bat and had destroyed my confidence and self esteem. I tried so hard to get her back, but I never did. She will be 20 this year and I have not seen her since she was a small baby. After she was put into care we lived in a temporary flat right by the local red light district. He made me work as a prostitute whilst he was in the next room to me laughing with his friends. Several of these men that paid for me offered me freedom, but I never took it, I was too scared.
He used to take all the money and use it to buy drugs.

Finally we had another child, a boy, (who is 18 now) and I found the courage to leave him. I used to let him come to my house to see my son, one day he came over with a knife, instead of attacking me like I thought he was going to he stabbed himself in the foot!!!!!
I knew then what a real idiot he was and I went mental at him for all he had done. I threw him out. I refused him to ever enter my house again and instead we met around a friends place so that he could see our son.

We had been together for 5 and half years. In that time we had got married and he was now dating my bridesmaid!! They went off to Bristol (UK) and we never seen or heard from him again.

A few weeks before he left I had gone out with a friend and met a guy called Ryan. He was my brothers friend, and I should have known by just the fact that he was one of my abusers friends that I should not have bothered. Yet Gary had left me feeling less about myself than I had before I met him, so I went for it and stupidly felt grateful for this man wanting me. I was 21 by this point and my son was 9 months old. One day I walked in on Ryan being nasty to my son, saying 'you little fucker, your horrible aren't you, your an ugly shit', I didn't leave, I did tell him to never talk to my son like that again, but I knew I was a failure and now I was even more because I allowed this to happen and even let the man stay!!

After about 6 months of being together he started to get funny with me, he was moody and quiet. I had told him all about my brothers abusing me and also about Gary and what he did. I used to have awful flash backs and nightmares and it seemed Ryan had found his pleasure.. I woke up one night to find my legs spread open and he was inserting a screw driver into me. This became a nightly thing, I started to sleep with one eye open so to speak. He would use all sorts of objects on me. One day, after 2 years of this and too scared to be on my own and leave him, I woke up and hit him, I went mental at him. From then on, that is what I did, he abused me and I hit him. Soon we would have full scale fights. It progressed into me waking up with him having full sex with me and as that became harder for him with me becoming a light sleeper, he started to hold me down so that when I woke I could not do anything about it. The only way he ever got so far was that he would play along with my nightmares as I slept.

One day I found him in bed with a friend, and I still took him back and then 3 months later I found him in bed with my best friend, even though she knew what he had been doing to me. That day was amazing, I knew he was never going to come home with me, so I pretended to be the one to walk away. I stood there and told them they were welcome to each other. I smashed his car up and cut up all his clothes. I found out after that he had been put on probation for abusing his sister from the age of 4 to 10 and two 2 year old girls in his late teens. I was then told by my son who was 5 when we split that he had touched him too!!!!!!!! Who knows what he is doing now!!!!

I then went on to have a very emotional relationship with a guy called Pete, we had our son Tyler together. He had been abused as a child too and neither of us could get it right. He was amazing and still is, we split up after 7 and a half years together and he still sees his son. But we could not get over our lives and neither of us was strong enough to help the other one heal.

I then met Sandi, he is the most amazing man. We have been together for almost 7 years and he was strong enough to support me. I had therapy and am now a life coach and am studying NLP (neuro linguistic programming) so that I can help and heal people who need it.

I know from my own experiences that it is possible to heal. Nothing really triggers me now, I feel kinda whole!!

The only things that bother me is that I will never know the me I was born to be without the child abuse, and my whole family don't believe me so I have no family. I also hate how these men are out there and got away with what they did. I however am a success and am very very happy with my life. I have had no depression for about 3 years now and no longer have flash backs and nightmares.
Submitted November 21 , 2010 3 : 44 am

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